by Sarah Said

Have you read Part 1 on this topic, Family Engagement is More Than Having a Multicultural Potluck?

All too many times, I have had teachers come to me in the aftermath of a Bilingual Parent Advisory Council (BPAC) meeting that did not get the turn out that we expected  put up their hands in frustration and say, “They just don’t care!” Yes, it is difficult when you have planned an event for families and you do not get the turnout that you expected.  We have to understand that our parents come from situations where the first thing on their mind may not be your BPAC meeting. Some of our parents are working multiple jobs, have younger children, may be in the middle of a domestic dispute or could be dealing with a severe illness. Let’s try not to discredit families for not being at a school meeting, activity, or event. Instead, let’s reflect on how we are inviting families to events and the types of events we are having.

Life happens and a school activity is just not a priority at the time. Yes, we hope that our children are their families’ priority.  The majority of the time, that is the situation. Our students’ parents want their kids to be successful adults. In the 1996 book, Con respeto: Bridging the distances between culturally diverse families and schools : an ethnographic portrait, author Guadalupe Valdés studied ten families who immigrated from rural Mexico regarding their children’s K-12 schooling.  The parents were supportive of their children, they just supported their children differently than middle class Americans would. Their experiences and views shaped how they approached their children’s’ education. Culturally, different parents have different ways of supporting their child. Going to school events isn’t something that families are used to doing in some of their home countries. Understand that it’s not bad… just different.

When we finally do get parents to engage with our schools, we have to understand that there may have been a sacrifice that the parent made to come to your school event or activity. Maybe they had to forgo an extra couple hours on their shift in order to be at the BPAC meeting or family reading night.  That is two to three hours of income that the family may have lost. Or, they might have had to either ask a friend or pay someone to watch their younger children- that’s time and possibly money lost with the younger children. With the understanding that there are sacrifices on our parents’ parts and on our own parts (our family time or time away from a second job), we need to make these activities worth their while.  We need to get this right! It’s too important.

So you’re wondering, why they didn’t come to your event, your meeting, your literacy night, or my favorite… your multicultural potluck?  They came last time...Why didn’t they come again? (See a blog I wrote on going beyond the multicultural potluck here.) I always tend to write blog posts on best practice and “what to do”.  This blog post is actually about “what NOT to do.” So, in detail I will discuss the five biggest mistakes that schools and districts make when it comes to family engagement.  I will also give you tips on how to recover from these mistakes. Here they are:

1. Schools communicate with families through the wrong channels.

2. The time does not work with the schedule for the majority of parents.

3. The events and activities are at times culturally irrelevant to English Learner families.

4. The event or activity could pose a financial burden to the family.

5. The parents feel too restricted or at the event.  

I can tell you first and foremost, the best way to avoid a lot of this is really taking the time to take a walk outside and talk to the families you serve as they are picking up and dropping off their kids.  Or, if your students take busses, take advantage of times (like open registration) where you can meet and get to know families. You can avoid making these mistakes by just connecting and building relationships. Is it always going to perfect? No… Is there a special formula to a perfect family event? No…  Just connect with people first, then you can plan so that you don’t make these mistakes. And if you do make them, learn from them. I wouldn’t be able to write this blog if I didn’t make them myself.

Mistake Number One: Communicating With Families Through The Wrong Channels

So, you’re having a parent meeting for your English Learner families.  You send a letter home through the children in their backpacks. Yes, “the take home folder”.  Two parents have sent you back a RSVP, no one else has. You’re also noticing that there is an issue with children’s parents never checking their folders. You’ve been a month into the school year and half of your students have bulging take home folders.  So, you’re struggling with parents checking folders and now you’re sending an invite to a meeting where you will bring up the importance of checking a child’s folder. What’s wrong with this?

If they are not checking the folder, then you really need to rethink how you communicate with them.  Depending on your group of parents and your situation, you may want to find online programs or even times of the day where your parents are at the front of the school dropping off children to advertise your events.  With one group of parents, I found that the parents liked going to “Cafecito” events in the school. This was a coffee with the principal event in Spanish where parents and the principal could have discussions about the school community in an less structured format.  The parents liked this event. I would ask my principal if I could show up at Cafecito and advertise updates of a family literacy program I ran. Because I brought it up at Cafecito, parents knew about it and through word of mouth told others.

If you notice that your parents have smartphones and are texting a lot, then maybe it is a good idea for you to look into a program called Talking Points. It simply works by you typing in parent numbers and languages in a database first.  Then you can actually text a parent in the native language and English. The message will indicate that the parent is hearing from the child’s teacher.  It will text through a randomly generated phone number and the parent will receive the text. There is no required application that parents have to download and there is no training required.  It is a simple text they receive that is in the language you have indicated they speak. They can actually text you back in the home language and you will receive the text in an email in English. It’s also free! I would just advise you to ask permission (maybe make a phone call?) before texting parents.  Some parents may not have data plans where they can afford to have multiple text messages from their child’s teacher.

You really have to observe, converse with, and know your parent groups and then create a communication plan that will help you reach out to them.  If you have a building parent liaison, utilize them to help you connect with parents. If there is a teacher or staff member from the community you are trying to reach out to, ask them for ideas on how to connect with families.  They may know more intimate details like, the soccer team all the kids play for or the community centers families attend. You may actually be able to establish a communication plan through those organizations or at least get more information on what works for them.

Mistake Number Two:  Bad Timing

You had a family literacy night.  You planned stations, got contributions from local agencies and got other teachers to volunteer.  And more staff than families showed up.... Why? You used lots of resources within your school and your colleagues’ time.  Well, this night is occuring on November 1st. You work in a predominantly Spanish speaking EL/bilingual program. Most of the children in the program are of Mexican descent.  November 1st is El Dia de Los Muertos, which is an important holiday for the Mexican community. So, why would families drop their traditions for a literacy night? Is it fair to ask them to do that?  

I have a simple solution for this mistake.  Use a calendar. It’s easier said than done.  Use a calendar to look up traditions of your families. You’ll know to avoid having an event on Ash Wednesday in a Catholic community or Friday afternoon events in a Muslim community (This is when obligatory prayer is held at the Mosque.).  

We’re not perfect.  We make mistakes. But having a prepared Google calendar with your dates lined up ahead of time will help you not make those mistakes.  If you prepare with your colleagues ahead of time, you will be able to support each other in appropriate planning. Also, show your BPAC (if you have one) your planned calendar of events.  A parent may tell you whether a date is appropriate for the community or not.

Mistake Number Three: Events and Activities that Are Not Culturally Relevant or Of Interest

We have to understand our parents, we have to know their wants and needs.  Yeah, an event or activity may seem beneficial to us, but some of our families may see it as useless. For example, you may have thought a parent workshop presentation about how to use iPad apps was a great idea for your group of parents.  Did you question: 1) How many of your families actually have iPads at home? 2) How many of your parents understand the benefits of iPad apps towards learning? Would you take time out of you day to attend this presentation if you did not have the resources or value the content of it? We need to be better about thinking about the workshops and family activities we provide.

I’ve given parent surveys on paper and through oral collaboration in a BPAC meeting to ask parents what they would like to see in our parent programming.  I think things went better for our team when we did an oral collaboration with parents. We got them in the door through Seesaw reminders and we were able to work together in our trilingual (Arabic, Spanish, and Polish) meeting to get parents really thinking about what they felt was beneficial to their programming.  One of the most popular responses that I had was that we want more English classes for parents. On our calendar, we had an eight week course planned. We turned that eight week course into an eleven week course.  “Survey results can ultimately help schools break down barriers and improve messaging to boost engagement school wide, but only when feedback from parents is acted upon and changes made to reflect how parents feel.” (Noonoo, 2017) If you give the survey and the families make realistic requests, you do have to work your hardest to honor them. If you don’t, they will feel like you don’t respect their voices.

I have made the mistake of holding a BPAC meeting where I asked parents to complete our district 5 Essentials Survey (In Illinois, this is a mandated school survey.) and I only had two parents show up to the meeting.  Did our parent not care about the survey? Yes, they cared. But, what sacrifice are they willing to make for it. Yes, we needed parents to fill out the survey, but parents did not feel the need to come out and complete it within their day. We have to have parent meetings and workshops based on their needs, not ours’.

Mistake Number Four: Having an Event, Meeting, or Activity that Creates a Financial Burden For a Family

Now, is when I start to explain why Multicultural Family Potlucks aren’t always the best thing.  My colleagues may argue that food and discussion about different foods brings families together. I do agree that the potlucks have a lot of value to them.  Spending most of my career working in low income communities, I would also caution teachers and school leaders about having these types of events. When some of our families are struggling daily to put food on the table, we may be creating another burden for them by asking them to bring in dish for others.  Families may not tell you this, but you will know when you start to see who sends a RSVP back to you and who does not.

I was at a school that held adult English classes.  At the end of the term, the teacher liked to hold a potluck for all of the participants as an end of the year celebration.  As the socioeconomics of the community changed, the teacher noticed that yearly less parents came to her end of the year celebration.  Their attendance to class was consistent, but they didn’t attend the celebration. Last school year, the teacher had one parent show up to the end of the year celebration, this is when she realized that she really couldn’t hold the potlucks anymore.  

Having events where parents are obligated to bring something or pay an entrance fee may deter some families from attending. Again, I am speaking from the perspective of someone who has served English Learners and their families in mostly low income communities.  In the program that I currently lead, I actually do the opposite. I utilize family engagement funding that we have and community resources to not only provide our parents with free events, but also provide families with resources they can bring home. We currently have partnered with an area Lakeshore learning store.  We buy resources that our parents can use at home in order to work with their children. At our English Learner Family nights, Newcomer parent programs, or BPAC meetings, their representative actually comes to show our families how to use the product. If you don’t have the funding, look towards building funds or community resources to provide families with something to take home from the event that is useful to their child’s learning.

Mistake Number Five: Making Parents Feel Too Restricted or Unwelcomed at An Event, Meeting, or Activity

The parents have arrived and your event is moving.  Suddenly, a couple of them get up and walk out of the event.  Then you see a couple more families not really engage in your event and leave early.  Why? Well, it depends on the group of parents you are working with and what the event was about.  We hold these events with the best of intentions, but sometimes we restrict parents too much, talk at them, or make them feel uncomfortable.  We can eliminate this all again by building that relationship with our families so that we can support them. We can build confianza, relationships built on mutual respect and trust.

If you are in a school or a district that serves Gujarati speaking families and more than half of them follow the Hindu faith, then it’s probably not a good idea to serve them hamburgers. Know your families’ dietary restrictions. Have a vegetarian option. People can find discomfort in this and not want to be part of your school community.  If the event involves food, asking parents what their food preference is can help you avoid this type of embarrassment. The survey can also establish a dialogue between you and the families you serve. It can send an message that you are invested in their comfort in your school.

Sometimes when we are too structured and too restrictive families may not feel comfortable.  At a school where families were not permitted to bring young children to events, I noticed a very low turnout for families at meetings and activities.  When I asked a parent why the turnout was low she said that she didn’t have childcare that she could rely in order to consistently attend meetings. As a team, we put our heads together and tried to find ways where we could allow parents to bring their children to events without too much commotion and lack of focus.  We saw that working with parent and child together activities supported our parents more than having parent only workshops.

Also, parents want to be able to ask questions. When a presenter is presenting material they are not familiar with, they often become frustrated. They feel like the person is talking at them and not to them. If their questions are not answered respectfully, they may not return.  Parents of English Learners do want to ask questions and talk to teachers and school leaders, but they don’t always have the forum for it.  Sometimes events are too structured to where parents are reluctant to voice their questions or concerns. As I mentioned earlier in this post, my former principal actually used a structure that he called “Cafecito”. “Cafecito” was always done the last Friday of the month. These meetings were consistent and always happened at the same time.  During “Cafecito”, he would have coffee and breakfast for parents available. Either he, a staff member, or a community member would give a short presentation about school initiatives or a resource. The population was a Spanish speaking population and all presentations were in Spanish. He would then give parents an open forum to ask questions that they had of the school.  During this time, he would also ask parents to give a voice on new school initiatives. The parents felt comfortable with their school leader through this meeting.

When we look at these mistakes, we shake our heads and say “we can do better.” Yes, we can.  We will do better for our families. These are mistakes that many of us have made. We grow and we learn from those mistakes. If you look at the trends in this blog post, you will notice that most of these mistakes can be avoided through building relationships with families before even having these events. It is important for families to know that regardless of who they are and where they come from we want them involved in our schools.  We support their children and we support them. We send that message in what we do and say in our meetings, events, and activities. Our parents make sacrifices to come to our events. Make the most of your time with the families that you serve, and build those relationships so that you can give them an enriching experience.

Citation

• Noonoo, S. (2017, October 10th) 5 Strategies for Increasing ELL Engagement with ELL Families.

• Valdés, G. (1996). Con respeto: Bridging the distances between culturally diverse families and schools : an ethnographic portrait. New York: Teachers College Press.